Mulligatawny

Not at all authentic, but I'm not sure there is such a thing as "authentic" mulligatawny. 

Ingredients

2 tbsp canola oil
2 sweet onions, chopped
8-10 curry leaves
1 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp cracked black pepper
6 garlic cloves and 2" fresh ginger ground into a paste
2-3 long green chilies, diced
12 cups vegetable broth
1 1/2 tsp garam masala
1 1/2 cups chana dal (lentils), thoroughly rinsed
2 sweet potatoes, chopped into 1" cubes
1 red and 1 orange bell pepper, diced
2 yellow sqaushes, diced
1 15 oz can unsweetened coconut milk
juice and zest of 1/2 a lime
fresh cilantro

Directions

Heat oil on medium in a large soup pot. Sauté the onions and curry leaves for five mins with salt and black pepper. Add ginger-garlic paste and chilies and cook for a min or two longer. Pour in vegetable broth and bring to boil. Drop heat to medium, add lentils and garam masala, cover and cook for 15 mins. Add potatoes, cover and cook for another 10 mins. Remove cover and put in bell peppers and squash and cook for about 5 mins. Remove from heat and stir in coconut milk, lime juice, and zest.

Garnish with cilantro. Eat while watching a Bollywood film on mute and listening to Metal Machine Music. That's how my pet land hermit crab, Spud, likes to eat it.

Suggested Album Pairing

Street Hassle, Lou Reed. Because Metal Machine Music is more Spud's thing.

Tarka Dal

Everyone's favorite pottage!

Ingredients

2 tbsp canola oil
1 large red onion, chopped
1 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp cracked black pepper
1 tsp whole cumin seed
6 garlic cloves and 2" fresh ginger ground into a paste
1 cup red lentils, thoroughly rinsed
1 cup vegetable broth
1 cup coconut milk
1 tsp ground coriander
1 1/2 tsp garam masala
1 lb fresh or frozen spinach
~ 2-3 cups fresh diced tomatoes

Directions

Heat oil in a deep sauté pan on medium. Once hot, add in cumin seeds and let them sizzle for a few seconds before stirring in onion, salt, and pepper. Cook until slightly colored (~ 5 mins). Stir in garlic-ginger paste (should be about 2 tbsps) and cook for a minute longer, making sure not to burn it. Add the broth, coconut milk, lentils, coriander, garam masala, and spinach. Slightly reduce heat and cover. The spinach will wilt. Simmer about 20 mins, stirring occasionally. Add in tomatoes and let it go another 5 mins.


Serve over basmati rice, or with some naan if that's how you boogie.


Suggested Album Pairing


In My Own Time, Karen Dalton. I dunno why, this dish is rustic, her voice seems to fit. One of Dylan's favorite singers, too.

Decked-the-Fuck-out Hummus

I brought this to my aunt & uncle's for Christmas this year. None of the carnivores ate it. Dicks.

Ingredients

1 cup dried chickpeas (or 1 19 oz can, you lazy bastard)
1 head of garlic, roasted and squeezed out
minced fresh rosemary (like a tsp or something)
a little extra virgin olive oil and lemon juice (1/4 cup each?)
some tahini (maybe a tbsp)
kosher salt (to taste)
sliced almonds
kalamata olives
paprika

Directions

Cover chickpeas with 3" of water and soak over night. Drain, cover again, and boil for about an hour, or until they are tender. Drain and set aside to cool.

Blend the first six ingredients, garnish with the last three. Make that shit pop. It's hummus. Not hard.


Serve with pita bread; or, recreate your favorite scene from Two Girls, One Cup.


Suggested Album Pairing


Cosmic Christmas, Eban Schletter. Dude from Spongebob Squarepants and Dead Man's Bones made an album about a military satellite that discovers the true meaning of Christmas. And his primary instrument is a theramin. I've actually never heard this album, it just sounds awesome. If you know where I can get it lemme know.

Vegetable Orgy Soup

Sounds fucked up, but it's the best soup I've made (so far).

Ingredients

2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 sweet onion, peeled and diced
6 garlic cloves, diced
1 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp cracked black pepper
1 bouquet garni (a few cloves and bay leaves wrapped in a sprigs of fresh thyme and tied with twine)
10 cups of vegetable broth or stock
1 head of broccoli, quartered
1 head of cauliflower, quartered
1 large russet potato, peeled and cut into thirds
1 rutabaga, peeled and quartered
1 zucchini, peeled
2 large carrots, peeled and chopped
1 15 oz can of peas
1 15 oz can of corn
8 oz of button mushrooms, halved
1 cup of cashews

Directions

In a soup pot, sauté onion in oil on medium heat with salt and pepper until lightly caramelized (~6 mins). Add garlic and cook 1 min longer. Add vegetable broth, 3/4 broccoli, 3/4 cauliflower, potato, rutabaga, zucchini, and bouquet garni and cover. Cut remaining broccoli and cauliflower into florets. Cook vegetables until potatoes are tender (~15-20 mins). Remove herbs. In batches, place vegetables and broth into a food processor along with some of the peas and cashews and transfer to a second pot once thoroughly blended. When everything has been mixed together, add carrots and remaining cauliflower and cook on medium (~10 mins). Add corn, mushrooms and remaining broccoli, and simmer for another 5 mins.

Serve family style at your next orgy.

Suggested Album Pairing

Hot Buttered Soul, Isaac Hayes.

Aloo Gobi

Best all-yellow dish I know how to make.

Ingredients

2 tbsp canola oil
1 sweet onion, sliced
8-10 curry leaves
2-3 long green chilies, sliced
3 garlic cloves, diced
1" fresh ginger minced (~1 tbsp)
1 tsp whole cumin seeds
2 tsp coriander seeds, ground
1/2 tsp cloves, ground (~6 buds)
1 tsp tumeric
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
1 cup vegetable broth
2 russet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1" cubes
1 head of cauliflower, cut into florets
1 cup peas (~1/2 of a 15 oz can)
cilantro, diced

Directions

Heat oil in deep non-stick sauté pan or pot (must be non-stick, this is a dry curry) on medium-high. Add the onion and curry leaves with black pepper and 1/2 tsp salt, and cook until slightly caramelized (~6 mins). Drop heat to medium, add chilies, ginger, garlic, and cumin seeds, stir and cook for 1-2 more mins. Add the rest of the spices, salt, vegetable broth, potatoes, and cauliflower, and stir until everything is coated. Cover and cook until vegetables are tender (~25 mins), stirring every 8-10 mins. Add peas (if using frozen, add them a few mins earlier). 


Serve on a cardinal red plate and garnish with cilantro. This is your only option.

Suggested Album Pairing

Anything by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan will do.

Dope-Ass Squash Soup

Perfect for a cold fall evening, as I remember. We don't really have "cold" in Florida.

Ingredients

1 butternut squash, halved and de-seeded
1 buttercup squash, halved and de-seeded
1 large red onion, diced
1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
two garlic cloves, diced
~2" minced fresh ginger root
8 cups vegetable broth
2 tsp kosher salt (or to taste)
1/2 tsp nutmeg (freshly ground if possible)
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
pinch of cayenne pepper
1 bunch green onion

Directions

Place squash on baking sheet skin side down and bake at 350 for 1 hr 20 mins, or until tender. Allow to cool and scoop meat into bowl. Two acorn squashes may be substituted for either one butternut or one buttercup squash.

Sauté onion in a soup pot on medium heat with olive oil, black pepper, and 1 tsp salt until caramelized (~10 mins). Add diced garlic and ginger and cook a few mins longer, making sure not to burn the garlic. Place onion mixture in blender or food processor with 2 cups of vegetable broth and blend until smooth (~1 min). Meanwhile, pour a little of the vegetable broth into the soup pot to deglaze. Add blender mix back into the pot. Blend 1/3 of of the squash with 2 cups of vegetable broth until smooth and add to pot. Repeat until all squash and broth has been blended. If you have a stick blender this would all be much easier. I do not have a stick blender.

Keep soup on medium-low heat and add nutmeg, allspice, cayenne, and remaining salt. Stir well. Allow flavors to combine and keep the soup on the stove for 20 mins. Garnish with diced green onion and serve with a lightly toasted piece of crusty bread.

Feeds a shit ton of people (cut recipe in in half if you're a lonely old spinster, or don't want a lot of leftovers).

Suggested Album Pairing


Pink Moon, Nick Drake. Autumnal music for autumnal food.

Tofu Spring Rolls

My grandma likes these.

Ingredients


canola oil

1 lb extra firm tofu

Chinese five spice

kosher salt

~3 tbsp hoisin sauce

~3 tbsp crunchy peanut butter

1 tsp rice vinegar

1 tsp sesame oil

~3 cups shredded cabbage and carrots or cole slaw mix

rice paper spring roll skins

fresh mint

Directions


Drain and place tofu on several layers of paper towel on a dinner plate. Put another plate on top of the tofu, and center a heavy book on it. Leave in the fridge overnight to dehydrate (facilitates frying). Cut into slices or 1" cubes. Heat 2" of oil on medium in whatever it is you fry shit in. I don't have an oil thermometer, but if you sprinkle water on it and it spits like an angry camel, it's ready. Add tofu in batches and fry until golden and crispy. Remove, drain excess oil, and sprinkle on five spice and salt.


Mix together hoisin sauce, peanut butter, vinegar, and sesame oil. This could be used as a dipping sauce, but I mix it in with the slaw so it doesn't fall out when I eat it. Once the tofu is cool, stir that in too.


Take a sheet of rice paper and soak in warm water until soft (~30 secs). Spread out on a plate. Place tofu/ cabbage mixture in the middle of the skin. Put a few mint sprigs on top. Roll the part closest to yourself over the mixture, keeping it tight, and fold the sides in. Continue rolling forward. Rice paper is self-adhesive so it's pretty hard to fuck up.


Make only as many as you plan to immediately eat. Spring roll skins get drier than a nun's vajayjay if refrigerated.

Suggested Album Pairing


Sung Tongs, Animal Collective. Perfect for whatever you're rolling up, especially in the springtime. I don't judge.