Purple Drank

A chopped & screwed way to get your antioxidant groove on.

Ingredients

1 large beet

2 cups frozen blueberries

1/2 cup thin coconut milk

good handful of fresh mint

Directions

I know, it sounds fucked up, right? Bear with me. Peel and chop your beet into roughly 1" cubes. Steam for 20 mins, or until the beets are very tender (almost mushy). Set them aside to cool. Once they're room temperature, throw everything into a blender or food processor. Blend whatcha got until whatcha got is a smoothie.

Suggested Album Pairing

Codeine Fiend, DJ Screw. RIP.

Dosakaya Pappu

The best dal I've ever made by anyone ever.

Ingredients

1 cup toor dal (lentils)

4 cups water

2 tbsp canola oil

1 medium onion, sliced

1 tbsp kosher salt

bit of fresh cracked pepper

6-8 garlic cloves, peeled and sliced

~10 curry leaves

1 tsp whole cumin seeds

2 long green chilies, sliced

1 large dosakaya (yellow Indian cucumber - mildly sour), peeled, de-seeded, and cut into ~1" chunks (as you would a cantaloupe)

2 tomatoes, diced

1 tsp turmeric

1/2 tsp fresh ground coriander

1 tsp tamarind paste

Directions

Rinse the dal in cool water and strain. Repeat three to four times, or until the water runs clear-ish. Bring four cups of water to a boil. Add the dal, reduce to medium-low, and cook lightly covered until they pretty much turn to mush, stirring occasionally (~1/2 hour).

While the dal cooks, heat oil on medium in a large sauté pan or pot and cook the onions with the black pepper and half the salt until they are translucent (~5 mins). Add the garlic, curry leaves, cumin seeds and chilies, and cook a few minutes longer to soften the garlic and get all the flavors absorbed into the oil. Add the cooked dal and stir in the remaining ingredients, minus the tomatoes. Reduce the heat a touch, cover and cook until the dosakaya is tender (12-15 mins), stirring every so often. Add the tomatoes during the last few minutes of this process.

Serve over rice. I should have garnished it with cilantro, but I forgot to buy any. You should totally garnish it with cilantro, that would be nice.

Suggested Album Pairing

Miserable Cowboy Songs, Cole Bee Wilson. Cole is a friend of a friend. I love this album. The connection to food? None.

Vegan Saag

Made this for St. Patty's Day, just getting around to posting it. Yeah I know, the picture kinda blows. I'm getting lazy about plating. Fucking delicious though, and easy to make.

Ingredients

1 lb fresh spinach

1 lb collard, mustard, or turnip greens

2 tbsp canola oil

1 large onion, peeled and sliced

1 tbsp salt

bit of fresh cracked black pepper

6-8 garlic cloves, peeled and sliced

1 long green chili, sliced

1/2 tsp whole cumin seeds

1 lb fresh spinach

1/4 cup coconut milk

1 tbsp garam masala

1/2 tsp fresh ground coriander

Directions

Bring a quart or so of water to boil in a medium-large soup pot. Add the greens and cook over medium heat for about a half hour. Briefly blanch the spinach for a few minutes and drain the water.

Heat oil on medium in a pot or deep sauté pan and cook onions until translucent (~5-7 mins) with the black pepper and half the salt. Add the garlic, chili, and cumin seeds, and cook a couple minutes longer, until the garlic is soft. Use more chilies if you want spicier saag. Stir in the greens. Add the coconut milk with the garam masala, coriander and remaining salt. Cover and keep on medium for about 10 minutes, stirring once or twice to make sure nothing sticks. Transfer the mixture to a blender, pulse a few times, and that's it. 

I like mine a bit chunky. If you like yours more puréed, then by all means, purée that shit, son. Serve with naan or over rice.

Suggested Album Pairing

Rum, Sodomy & the Lash, The Pogues. If an Irishman were to eat Indian food, I imagine it look something like this.

Epic Fail I: Karela Stir-Fry

I do not believe this was a fail on my part. This was God's fail.

Ingredients


2 tbsp canola oil
5 karelas (bitter melon), innards removed and sliced into 1/4" pieces
1 onion, sliced
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
bit of fresh cracked black pepper
1 tsp turmeric
1 tsp fresh ground coriander
1 tsp amchoor powder
1/4 tsp fresh ground cinnamon
1/4 cup golden raisins
1" fresh ginger, minced
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp brown sugar


Directions


Ok, first lemme explain how I got myself into this mess. I was at my Indian grocery store buying ingredients for my very Anglo-friendly mulligatawny, but they don't carry yellow squash. I found this ugly-ass bumpy fucker that looked like it could be an Asian cultivar of summer squash, so I asked the grocer what the little green beast was. He was in a heated exchange with another customer (speaking Hindi I think) and didn't hear/ ignored me. The customer's wife heard my query and excitedly began extolling the virtues of this miracle fruit/ vegetable/ abomination of all things holy. It cures diabetes, it detoxifies the body, it's good for the heart, etc. She instructed me on several cooking methods, and really took her time to make sure I understood why it was important for me to buy this monster. I appreciated her passion and her effort. Plus she was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous which I wasn't expecting when she turned around, and it hit me like a cattle prod so for the few minutes she was talking to me I was kinda stunned and couldn't do much more than nod. When I walked out I'd bought five of the damn things. And here's what I did with them:


Cut the karelas in half lengthwise and scoop out the inner pith and seeds with a spoon. Chop them into 1/4" pieces as if you were slicing celery. Soak in ~4 cups of water with a tbsp of salt and the juice of one lemon, and put it in the fridge for a couple hours. Drain and dry the melon pieces. Heat oil in a sauté pan on medium. Throw in the karelas, onion, salt, and pepper, and cook for 5 mins, stirring occasionally. Add the rest of the ingredients, stir to combine, and cook for another 5 mins. That's pretty much it. I ate it with a piece a chapati.


That is, I tried to eat it with a piece of chapati. I couldn't do it. I just could not do it, man! Too fucking bitter. I've read elsewhere that I should rub the karela with salt straight up, not in a solution, and let it set for a couple hours before rinsing it off to make it even less bitter. But this was so bitter, bitter beyond imagination (and I like bitter), that I don't think I'll ever try it again.


Why am I posting this? I dunno, maybe to show that I fuck up sometimes, just trying to keep the blog honest. But like I said, I really don't think this is my fuck-up. So if you're feeling a bit adventurous (or perhaps masochistic), do it. Go eat some bitter melon.


Suggested Album Pairing


Bitter Melon Farm, The Mountain Goats. Because The Mountain Goats rawk. And by rawk I mean John Darnielle writes incredibly insightful lyrics and tight hooks.

Roasted Root Vegetables

Root veggies get no love. I'll show you how to treat 'em right.

Ingredients

6 small red potatoes

4 carrots

3 turnips

2 beets

2 medium onions

1 large rutabaga

1 head of garlic

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

1 1/2 tsp kosher salt

bit of fresh cracked black pepper

handful of chopped dill

Directions

I'm aware that in a strictly botanical sense, most of these vegetables are not true roots. Potatoes are tubers, carrots are taproots, and onions and garlic are bulbs. But in culinary terms, these are all root vegetables. Ok.

Peel the turnips, beets, and rutabaga. I usually don't bother peeling potatoes and carrots, but I leave that up to you. Chop all the vegetables down to roughly the same size (I went with ~1" cubes, maybe slightly smaller). Smash all garlic cloves to remove the peels, and cut each into thirds (you want big pieces). Throw everything into a large bowl, except the dill, and use your hands to mix it all together. Place the mixture onto two large baking sheets (I like leftovers - cut this recipe in half if you don't). I wouldn't recommend putting tin foil on the sheets first, the starchier vegetables will stick. Put the sheets into a preheated 400° oven and cook for 20 mins. Remove from oven and give the veggies a good stir so that a different side is touching the pan. Increase heat to 430° and cook for another 15 mins. Take it out, add the dill and yer done.

I chose these particular vegetables because I like these particular vegetables. Use celeriac, parsnips, jicama, sweet potatoes, or whatever it is that you dig.

Suggested Album Pairing


Heart of the Congos, The Congos. Roots reggae.

Vendakka Paalu

Fair warning: it's kinda fucked up. Oh it tastes good and all, I promise, but you may find the texture a bit...unnerving.

Ingredients

2 tbsp canola oil

1 onion, sliced

8-10 curry leaves

1 tbsp kosher salt

bit of fresh cracked black pepper

1 tsp whole cumin seeds

2 long green chilies, diced

6 garlic cloves & 2" fresh ginger ground into a paste

1 1/2 lbs fresh okra, ends removed, chopped into 1/2" pieces

1 large tomato, diced

1/4 cup golden raisins

1 1/2 tsp garam masala

1 tsp fresh ground coriander seeds

1 tsp tumeric

1 15 oz can coconut milk

1/2 cup vegetable broth or water

Directions

Heat oil in a pot or deep sauté pan on medium. Add onions, curry leaves, half the salt, and black pepper and cook about 5 mins. Stir in the cumin seeds, green chilies, and garlic ginger paste and cook 2 minutes longer. Throw in the rest of the ingredients (except the coconut milk and broth) and gently stir until everything is well coated. Add the coconut milk and broth, stir, cover, and cook for 10 mins or until okra is tender. Serve over basmati rice.

So here's why this dish is kinda fucked up: the main ingredient is okra. Okra contains a lot of mucilage. Mucilage is a slimy substance produced by some plants, kinda like mucus is a substance produced by some animals. And this dish did come out slimy as hell. I've read that to minimize this you can add an acid, so next time I make it I'm throwing in some lime juice. Or I might just chop the ends off the okra and essentially leave them whole. But friends, I implore you, this dish was delicious, give it a try.

Suggested Album Pairing

Young Loud and Snotty, Dead Boys.

Brussels Sprouts Done Right

Seriously. They don't suck.

Ingredients

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

2 lbs brussels sprouts (still on the stalk is best)

1/4 cup walnuts

1/4 cup dried cranberries

1 tsp kosher salt

1/4 tsp ground allspice

Directions

If the sprouts you buy have already been removed from the stalk, cut off the bottoms (they usually look kinda brown and nasty). Cut the sprouts in half vertically. Add all the ingredients into a deep sauté pan and stir until everything is well coated. Cook on medium-low for 10-12 mins, stirring occasionally. I like the sprouts to still have a little crunch when I eat them, you may want to cook them longer.

There are a lot of variations you can do with this recipe. Toasted sliced almonds or pine nuts do the trick, just add them at the end, as they are already toasted and burn easily. If cranberries ain't your bag, Zante currants, golden raisins, or really any dried fruit would work. And freshly grated nutmeg or Chinese five spice can be used in lieu of allspice.

Suggested Album Pairing

Ege Bamyasi, Can. Cuz Brussels sprouts are a cabbage. And kraut means cabbage. And Can is Krautrock. Dig?

Chana Masala

More Indian food. Fuck yeah!

Ingredients


2 cups dried chickpeas (yields ~4 cups cooked)
2 tbsp canola oil
1 large onion onions, sliced
2 long green chilies, diced
6 garlic cloves and 2" fresh ginger ground into a paste
1 tsp whole cumin seeds
1/2 cup water
3 tomatoes, diced
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/8 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
2 tsp amchoor (dried unripe mango powder - do not omit)
1 tsp garam masala
1 tsp fresh ground coriander
1 tsp tumeric
1/4 cup fresh mint, chopped


Directions


Put chickpeas in a large bowl with enough water to cover about 3" and allow them to soak over night. Drain, add at least 4 cups of water and boil for about an hour, or until they are tender. Drain again and set aside.


Heat oil on medium in a deep non-stick sauté pan. Add the onions with 1/2 tsp salt and black pepper, and cook until deeply caramelized (~10 mins). Add the chilies, garlic ginger paste, and cumin seeds, and cook for a few more mins. Then really just throw the cooked chickpeas and everything else into the party, except the mint, and stir until the spices are evenly distributed. Cover and cook for 10-12 mins, stirring occasionally. Take off the heat and stir in the mint.


Traditionally this is served with kulcha, an Indian flatbread, but I don't know how to make that shit. If you are planning on doing that (or serving it over rice), I would make the chana masala with more of a gravy (probably use vegetable broth instead of water and use more of it, and thicken with gram flour). As the recipe stands, though, it's good on its own.


Suggested Album Pairing


Michigan, Sufjan Stevens. Because it's still his best album and still the nation's best state. And I wouldn't be surprised if Sufjan was vegan. He's a spritual dude. He lives in Brooklyn. I think he'd dig my chana masala.

Three Bean Salad

I used mung beans, adzuki beans, and green lentils, but I suppose many other beans, pulses, and legumes could work.

Ingredients


1 cup each uncooked mung beans, adzuki beans, and green lentils
2 tomatoes, diced
1/2 large cucumber, diced
1/4 red onion, finely diced
1/4 cup flat leaf parsley, diced
1 clove garlic, minced or pressed
2 tbsp each extra virgin olive oil and fresh lemon juice
1 tsp kosher salt
1/8 tsp ground cumin


Directions


Boil the beans until tender. The beans I used were sprouted and packaged together, and it only took about 10 mins. I suspect it will take longer if you didn't use this particular package. Drain the beans. Add the rest of the ingredients and gently stir to combine. Pretty easy. Mint can be used in place of parsley.


Serve cold. Makes for a good lunch or side dish. And plenty of protein if you're trying to get your pump on.


Suggested Album Pairing


Library of Congress Recordings, Woody Guthrie. Beans -> Hobos -> Woody.

Mulligatawny

Not at all authentic, but I'm not sure there is such a thing as "authentic" mulligatawny. 

Ingredients

2 tbsp canola oil
2 sweet onions, chopped
8-10 curry leaves
1 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp cracked black pepper
6 garlic cloves and 2" fresh ginger ground into a paste
2-3 long green chilies, diced
12 cups vegetable broth
1 1/2 tsp garam masala
1 1/2 cups chana dal (lentils), thoroughly rinsed
2 sweet potatoes, chopped into 1" cubes
1 red and 1 orange bell pepper, diced
2 yellow sqaushes, diced
1 15 oz can unsweetened coconut milk
juice and zest of 1/2 a lime
fresh cilantro

Directions

Heat oil on medium in a large soup pot. Sauté the onions and curry leaves for five mins with salt and black pepper. Add ginger-garlic paste and chilies and cook for a min or two longer. Pour in vegetable broth and bring to boil. Drop heat to medium, add lentils and garam masala, cover and cook for 15 mins. Add potatoes, cover and cook for another 10 mins. Remove cover and put in bell peppers and squash and cook for about 5 mins. Remove from heat and stir in coconut milk, lime juice, and zest.

Garnish with cilantro. Eat while watching a Bollywood film on mute and listening to Metal Machine Music. That's how my pet land hermit crab, Spud, likes to eat it.

Suggested Album Pairing

Street Hassle, Lou Reed. Because Metal Machine Music is more Spud's thing.

Tarka Dal

Everyone's favorite pottage!

Ingredients

2 tbsp canola oil
1 large red onion, chopped
1 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp cracked black pepper
1 tsp whole cumin seed
6 garlic cloves and 2" fresh ginger ground into a paste
1 cup red lentils, thoroughly rinsed
1 cup vegetable broth
1 cup coconut milk
1 tsp ground coriander
1 1/2 tsp garam masala
1 lb fresh or frozen spinach
~ 2-3 cups fresh diced tomatoes

Directions

Heat oil in a deep sauté pan on medium. Once hot, add in cumin seeds and let them sizzle for a few seconds before stirring in onion, salt, and pepper. Cook until slightly colored (~ 5 mins). Stir in garlic-ginger paste (should be about 2 tbsps) and cook for a minute longer, making sure not to burn it. Add the broth, coconut milk, lentils, coriander, garam masala, and spinach. Slightly reduce heat and cover. The spinach will wilt. Simmer about 20 mins, stirring occasionally. Add in tomatoes and let it go another 5 mins.


Serve over basmati rice, or with some naan if that's how you boogie.


Suggested Album Pairing


In My Own Time, Karen Dalton. I dunno why, this dish is rustic, her voice seems to fit. One of Dylan's favorite singers, too.

Decked-the-Fuck-out Hummus

I brought this to my aunt & uncle's for Christmas this year. None of the carnivores ate it. Dicks.

Ingredients

1 cup dried chickpeas (or 1 19 oz can, you lazy bastard)
1 head of garlic, roasted and squeezed out
minced fresh rosemary (like a tsp or something)
a little extra virgin olive oil and lemon juice (1/4 cup each?)
some tahini (maybe a tbsp)
kosher salt (to taste)
sliced almonds
kalamata olives
paprika

Directions

Cover chickpeas with 3" of water and soak over night. Drain, cover again, and boil for about an hour, or until they are tender. Drain and set aside to cool.

Blend the first six ingredients, garnish with the last three. Make that shit pop. It's hummus. Not hard.


Serve with pita bread; or, recreate your favorite scene from Two Girls, One Cup.


Suggested Album Pairing


Cosmic Christmas, Eban Schletter. Dude from Spongebob Squarepants and Dead Man's Bones made an album about a military satellite that discovers the true meaning of Christmas. And his primary instrument is a theramin. I've actually never heard this album, it just sounds awesome. If you know where I can get it lemme know.

Vegetable Orgy Soup

Sounds fucked up, but it's the best soup I've made (so far).

Ingredients

2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 sweet onion, peeled and diced
6 garlic cloves, diced
1 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp cracked black pepper
1 bouquet garni (a few cloves and bay leaves wrapped in a sprigs of fresh thyme and tied with twine)
10 cups of vegetable broth or stock
1 head of broccoli, quartered
1 head of cauliflower, quartered
1 large russet potato, peeled and cut into thirds
1 rutabaga, peeled and quartered
1 zucchini, peeled
2 large carrots, peeled and chopped
1 15 oz can of peas
1 15 oz can of corn
8 oz of button mushrooms, halved
1 cup of cashews

Directions

In a soup pot, sauté onion in oil on medium heat with salt and pepper until lightly caramelized (~6 mins). Add garlic and cook 1 min longer. Add vegetable broth, 3/4 broccoli, 3/4 cauliflower, potato, rutabaga, zucchini, and bouquet garni and cover. Cut remaining broccoli and cauliflower into florets. Cook vegetables until potatoes are tender (~15-20 mins). Remove herbs. In batches, place vegetables and broth into a food processor along with some of the peas and cashews and transfer to a second pot once thoroughly blended. When everything has been mixed together, add carrots and remaining cauliflower and cook on medium (~10 mins). Add corn, mushrooms and remaining broccoli, and simmer for another 5 mins.

Serve family style at your next orgy.

Suggested Album Pairing

Hot Buttered Soul, Isaac Hayes.

Aloo Gobi

Best all-yellow dish I know how to make.

Ingredients

2 tbsp canola oil
1 sweet onion, sliced
8-10 curry leaves
2-3 long green chilies, sliced
3 garlic cloves, diced
1" fresh ginger minced (~1 tbsp)
1 tsp whole cumin seeds
2 tsp coriander seeds, ground
1/2 tsp cloves, ground (~6 buds)
1 tsp tumeric
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/4 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
1 cup vegetable broth
2 russet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1" cubes
1 head of cauliflower, cut into florets
1 cup peas (~1/2 of a 15 oz can)
cilantro, diced

Directions

Heat oil in deep non-stick sauté pan or pot (must be non-stick, this is a dry curry) on medium-high. Add the onion and curry leaves with black pepper and 1/2 tsp salt, and cook until slightly caramelized (~6 mins). Drop heat to medium, add chilies, ginger, garlic, and cumin seeds, stir and cook for 1-2 more mins. Add the rest of the spices, salt, vegetable broth, potatoes, and cauliflower, and stir until everything is coated. Cover and cook until vegetables are tender (~25 mins), stirring every 8-10 mins. Add peas (if using frozen, add them a few mins earlier). 


Serve on a cardinal red plate and garnish with cilantro. This is your only option.

Suggested Album Pairing

Anything by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan will do.

Dope-Ass Squash Soup

Perfect for a cold fall evening, as I remember. We don't really have "cold" in Florida.

Ingredients

1 butternut squash, halved and de-seeded
1 buttercup squash, halved and de-seeded
1 large red onion, diced
1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
two garlic cloves, diced
~2" minced fresh ginger root
8 cups vegetable broth
2 tsp kosher salt (or to taste)
1/2 tsp nutmeg (freshly ground if possible)
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp fresh cracked black pepper
pinch of cayenne pepper
1 bunch green onion

Directions

Place squash on baking sheet skin side down and bake at 350 for 1 hr 20 mins, or until tender. Allow to cool and scoop meat into bowl. Two acorn squashes may be substituted for either one butternut or one buttercup squash.

Sauté onion in a soup pot on medium heat with olive oil, black pepper, and 1 tsp salt until caramelized (~10 mins). Add diced garlic and ginger and cook a few mins longer, making sure not to burn the garlic. Place onion mixture in blender or food processor with 2 cups of vegetable broth and blend until smooth (~1 min). Meanwhile, pour a little of the vegetable broth into the soup pot to deglaze. Add blender mix back into the pot. Blend 1/3 of of the squash with 2 cups of vegetable broth until smooth and add to pot. Repeat until all squash and broth has been blended. If you have a stick blender this would all be much easier. I do not have a stick blender.

Keep soup on medium-low heat and add nutmeg, allspice, cayenne, and remaining salt. Stir well. Allow flavors to combine and keep the soup on the stove for 20 mins. Garnish with diced green onion and serve with a lightly toasted piece of crusty bread.

Feeds a shit ton of people (cut recipe in in half if you're a lonely old spinster, or don't want a lot of leftovers).

Suggested Album Pairing


Pink Moon, Nick Drake. Autumnal music for autumnal food.

Tofu Spring Rolls

My grandma likes these.

Ingredients


canola oil

1 lb extra firm tofu

Chinese five spice

kosher salt

~3 tbsp hoisin sauce

~3 tbsp crunchy peanut butter

1 tsp rice vinegar

1 tsp sesame oil

~3 cups shredded cabbage and carrots or cole slaw mix

rice paper spring roll skins

fresh mint

Directions


Drain and place tofu on several layers of paper towel on a dinner plate. Put another plate on top of the tofu, and center a heavy book on it. Leave in the fridge overnight to dehydrate (facilitates frying). Cut into slices or 1" cubes. Heat 2" of oil on medium in whatever it is you fry shit in. I don't have an oil thermometer, but if you sprinkle water on it and it spits like an angry camel, it's ready. Add tofu in batches and fry until golden and crispy. Remove, drain excess oil, and sprinkle on five spice and salt.


Mix together hoisin sauce, peanut butter, vinegar, and sesame oil. This could be used as a dipping sauce, but I mix it in with the slaw so it doesn't fall out when I eat it. Once the tofu is cool, stir that in too.


Take a sheet of rice paper and soak in warm water until soft (~30 secs). Spread out on a plate. Place tofu/ cabbage mixture in the middle of the skin. Put a few mint sprigs on top. Roll the part closest to yourself over the mixture, keeping it tight, and fold the sides in. Continue rolling forward. Rice paper is self-adhesive so it's pretty hard to fuck up.


Make only as many as you plan to immediately eat. Spring roll skins get drier than a nun's vajayjay if refrigerated.

Suggested Album Pairing


Sung Tongs, Animal Collective. Perfect for whatever you're rolling up, especially in the springtime. I don't judge.